Divorce
It’s a sad fact that the first working week back following the Christmas break is a busy one for many Family lawyers.
Christmas can often be the final straw for many already-crumbling family units, with the stress of entertaining guests, a jam-packed social-schedule and the additional financial strain incurred by the festivities only adding to the tension. Indeed, relationship charity Relate often reports a peak of calls in January, and internet searches about divorce on the first Monday back to work are higher than any other day of the year.
We’ve detailed our top tips for individuals anticipating a nightmarish Noel…
Consider your options
While you may be adamant that divorce is the only way forward, there are a number of alternatives that you may want to consider before you sign on the dotted line.
For example, you could trial a period of separation, especially when there is uncertainty surrounding the future of your relationship. This offers a suitable alternative without being as ‘final’ (or expensive) as divorce proceedings, giving you both the space to consider what you want from the relationship moving forwards.
Once the bustle of Christmas is over, you may wish to consider the benefits of counseling. For many couples, this is the last attempt to save their marriage. Although it may not salvage your relationship, it could help you split from your spouse on more amicable terms, if you ultimately decide that divorce is the best route for you – which is especially important if there are children involved.
Before you commit to any big decisions, it’s worth talking to a legal specialist to understand the options available.
Make time for your mental health
If you and your partner have agreed to ‘make it through’ the Christmas period for the sake of your family, then make sure to priortise your own well-being, as putting on a brave face will likely require a lot of mental and emotional strength.
Find time in the day for yourself – even if it’s simply popping to the shop to pick up more wrapping paper. Try and schedule in time with friends to unwind, but make sure not to make them feel like they are caught in the crossfire between you and your partner.
It’s ok to admit if you are struggling. There is mounting pressure (largely thanks to social media) to create the perfect Christmas, but the reality is, it doesn’t exist. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that this is a difficult time. If you are in need of additional support, there are a number of dedicated resources available from organisations such as Mind and Heads Together.
Champion your children
If you’re already separated or divorced, perhaps one of the most important decisions you’ll make is who your children will spend time with.
Often, both partners vie for the big day, but there are a number of alternatives available that could satisfy everyone involved.
- A combined Christmas: If you and your ex-partner are on good terms, you could consider spending the day together, to ensure that your children are able to see both parents, plus any extended family. Of course, this scenario isn’t for everyone and even the most amicable of relationships may require some ground rules.
- Splitting the day: This relies on being located in fairly close proximity to one another, but offers the chance for your children to spend the morning with one parent, before heading off with the other parent for the afternoon.
- Alternating Christmas: Many families opt for this option as it reduces the logistical and emotional burden, especially for the children involved. In this scenario, one parent has the children for Christmas (and often the celebratory days wedged on either side). Although this can leave one party alone on Christmas Day, it does offer the opportunity for delayed celebrations, as well as uninterrupted time with your kids.
When making arrangements, make sure to start discussions early, as this ensures that everyone has time to plan based on differing schedules. Be clear on arrangements and stick to them – turning up late will likely lead to animosity.
Also, it’s a good idea to include your children in the discussion, especially as they get older – and when they hit teenage years, I’d recommend putting them in control. While you may not like their decision, respecting their choice will foster a greater level of trust moving forwards.
If you’re unable to come to a mutual decision, you may want to consider legal advice.
Domestic Abuse
For many, undisturbed time spent at home with loved ones, during what is commonly referred to as the ‘Chrimbo-Limbo’ (the period between Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve) is a cherished rarity. But for those living with their abuser, this represents a lengthy period of time in which to be subjected to possible physical, mental or emotional abuse.
Last year’s lockdown only added to the distress, with police forces across the country reporting a notable rise in domestic violence cases. Cleveland Police, for example, stated that from 24-29th December 2020, 49% of 266 arrests made fell into the domestic violence category, ‘including over 60% on Christmas and Boxing Day’.
And while we may not be confined to our homes this year, the return of pubs, live sport and festive nights out will undoubtedly create the ‘perfect storm’ for abusive behaviour.
Confide in a trusted friend or family member.
As you host additional family and friends over the festive period, it may be that you are presented with the opportunity to discuss your concerns with a loved one.
It may be that they can contact services on your behalf, or accompany you in accessing medical assistance and could even help you report your assault to the police, if you decide to do so.
Safe Spaces
Time spent shopping for gifts may offer you more than some much-needed respite from the family home, with many highstreets implementing a series of ‘safe spaces’ for victims of domestic abuse.
If you need immediate help, you can ‘Ask for ANI’ – which means ‘Action Needed Immediately’. Participating pharmacies (which includes over 2,300 Boots, in addition to over 1,500 independent stores) will have the logo on display, signaling that they can offer a private space, a phone and offer general support in contacting domestic abuse support services.
Helplines
There are a number of helplines that offer support 24/7, even during the Christmas period. These include:
If you are in danger
In an emergency, call 999.
If you are unable to talk on the phone, try coughing or tapping to show the operator you are present. If making a sound would threaten your safety, you will be transferred to the Silent Solution system. From a mobile, you’ll be asked to press 55 to ‘Make Yourself Heard’. This will transfer your call directly to the police.
If you are worried or would like to speak about your situation, call us in complete confidence on 01633 244233 or send an email to hello@hevans.com and one of our dedicated, experienced solicitors can talk through your options.
