Christmas is presented as the season of joy but for many, it marks a tricky period in the calendar. Prolonged periods of time at home with family, layered with the stress of creating the ‘perfect’ day, means that for festive cheer is quickly swapped for Christmas conflict.
Our Family & Matrimonial team offer advice if you are approaching the festive period with trepidation.
Divorce
It’s a sad fact that the first working week back following the Christmas break is a busy one for many Family lawyers.
Christmas can often be the final straw for many already-crumbling family units, with the stress of entertaining guests, a jam-packed social-schedule and the additional financial strain incurred by the festivities only adding to the tension. Indeed, relationship charity Relate often reports a peak of calls in January, and internet searches about divorce on the first Monday back to work are higher than any other day of the year.
We’ve detailed our top tips if you are anticipating a nightmarish Noel…
Consider your options:
While you may be adamant that divorce is the only way forward, there are a number of alternatives that you may want to consider before you sign on the dotted line.
For example, you could trial a period of separation, especially when there is uncertainty surrounding the future of your relationship. This offers a suitable alternative without being as ‘final’ (or expensive) as divorce proceedings, giving you both the space to consider what you want from the relationship moving forwards.
Once the bustle of Christmas is over, you may wish to consider the benefits of counselling. For many couples, this is the last attempt to save their marriage. Although it may not salvage your relationship, it could help you split from your spouse on more amicable terms, if you ultimately decide that divorce is the best route for you – which is especially important if there are children involved.
Before you commit to any big decisions, it’s worth talking to a legal specialist to understand the options available.
Make time for your mental health:
If you and your partner have agreed to ‘make it through’ the Christmas period for the sake of your family, then make sure to prioritise your own well-being, as putting on a brave face will likely require a lot of mental and emotional strength.
Find time in the day for yourself – even if it’s popping to the shop to pick up more wrapping paper. Try and schedule in time with friends to unwind, but make sure not to make them feel like they are caught in the crossfire between you and your partner.
It’s ok to admit if you are struggling. There is mounting pressure (largely thanks to social media) to create the perfect Christmas, but the reality is, it doesn’t exist. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that this is a difficult time. If you are in need of additional support, there are a number of dedicated resources available from organisations such as Mind and Heads Together.
Champion your children:
If you’re already separated or divorced, perhaps one of the most important decisions you’ll make is who your children will spend time with.
Often, both partners vie for the big day, but there are a number of alternatives available that could satisfy everyone involved.
- A combined Christmas: If you and your ex-partner are on good terms, you could consider spending the day together, to ensure that your children are able to see both parents, plus any extended family. Of course, this scenario isn’t for everyone and even the most amicable of relationships may require some ground rules.
- Splitting the day: This relies on being located in fairly close proximity to one another, but offers the chance for your children to spend the morning with one parent, before heading off with the other parent for the afternoon.
- Alternating Christmas: Many families opt for this option as it reduces the logistical and emotional burden, especially for the children involved. In this scenario, one parent has the children for Christmas (and often the celebratory days wedged on either side). Although this can leave one party alone on Christmas Day, it does offer the opportunity for delayed celebrations, as well as uninterrupted time with your kids.
When making arrangements, make sure to start discussions early, as this ensures that everyone has time to plan based on differing schedules. Be clear on arrangements and stick to them – turning up late will likely lead to animosity.
Also, it’s a good idea to include your children in the discussion, especially as they get older – and when they hit teenage years, I’d recommend putting them in control. While you may not like their decision, respecting their choice will foster a greater level of trust moving forwards.
If you’re unable to come to a mutual decision, you may want to consider legal advice.
We’re here to help.
If you are going through separation or divorce and need our help, please get in touch. Our specialist family solicitors will discuss your next steps and help to guide you through the process, ensuring the best outcome for you and your family.
